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At last count there was over four billion newly qualified journalists in the UK, and only four jobs. Three at Future Publishing and one at Vice Magazine. This creates a deficit. At Young Wombs we think it is important to balance out this deficit with unpaid internships, which is why we recently took on a naive youngster to make us tea and buy us wham bars and tampons.

We know there is nothing more tantalising to a twenty something then working all hours for the creators of a period gif blog at least 15 people read. How do you think hard hitting war correspondant Peaches Geldof got her big break? But buying little hats and explaining why no one goes that hungry in Hunger Games has it’s limits, so we decided to give her some undercover reporting to do. We wanted to know what university was like for media students now, rather then when we did our pointless degrees, so we sent her to the University of Durham for five years to do a double honours degree in “Make You Write Good,” and “Internet Reading Advanced.”

Her undercover name was Emmie E Diamond Swag a.k.a Gunshot and her motto was “Love it, Live it, Learn it. Boom.” Her dissertation was titled “How I got a bajillion followers on tumblr without gettting my tits out.” The results were sold to the American government, and will be used in their new defence program. She also got a first, and is now a doctor.

Since she was undercover and we didn’t bother paying her fees we have disguised her identity.

Emily

Here is her hard hitting report on the ten things you learn at Uni doing a degree in media NOW.

10 Things I Have Learnt Doing a Media Degree  

1.Your degree is pointless; you should have tried harder at school.

ONE2. Your teachers have no idea what they are doing because the industry has changed so much. 

TWO

3. No one else knows what their doing. Everyone is a complete moron.

THREE

4.You have to work really hard outside your degree; you are basically paying thousands for a piece of paper. The real work starts after.

5.Reading news, browsing the Internet and watching films becomes depressing as you realize you need to analyse it. ALL THE TIME. FOREVER.

6.You have to listen to peers who think they are the next Charlie Brooker and put their hand up in every lecture to tell you what they ‘reckon’.

7.Everyone on drugs and going to raves will end up with low 2:1’s and probably get a job at vice by asking the editor for a key to do a bump of methadrone.

8.Alcoholism won’t be an indulgence but a way of life.

EIGHT

9. You’ll have a mid life crisis every semester wondering if you should change degrees.

10. The next few lives will be built around signing on and having minimum wage jobs and writing freelance articles for anyone before getting a runner job at That’s Life! Magazine.

 

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